I was told that writing a journal may help me sort out everything in my head. So here I go one more attempt at Blogging. What is a parent suppose to feel when their son falsely accuses them of Strangling and throwing him against a wall. He is recorded at school on tape describing into detail how his father did this to him, to a CPS worker. I believe without any doubt my husband did not do this. I am told that my child is emotionally at a three year old level, and I can’t take anything he says as a personal attack. Yesterday I took it personal. For a few hours of my life I was so MAD at my child, wondering what a psychotic person he must be to do this to the people that love him the most. Today I feel like I’m the worst mother on this earth, because for a few hours I lost the unconditional love I should have for my son. I am so scared that God trusted this special child that needs so much love to the wrong person.


A poem “I am Ethan” by Kelly Graham – that reminds me a little of who Patrick is.

You may not understand me, or the way I feel today.
You may not understand my reasoning for things I do or say.
The reasons why I'm so loud and say things over & over again,
Why I run so differently or lose my homework every now & then.
I write my letters backwards and sometimes numbers too,
and when in a conversation, I'll say "Guess what" 100 times to you.
Too much noise, light, or excitement can set me in a spin.
I don't like the way these pants feel rubbing against my skin.
I try to be good, but sometimes it's hard to control,
I have to do it, it's an impulse, I don't always do what I'm told.
Ketchup, Ranch and BBQ sauce on everything I eat,
sometimes I have days that I just can't sit still in my seat.
I like to talk a lot even when it's out of turn,
my mind plays tricks on me and interrupts what I'm trying to learn.
Sit up straight, wipe my face, and play ever so soft,
some of these things I have trouble with and I usually lose my train of thought.
I didn't mean to spill the milk mom, or slam the door so hard,
everyone else is done with their homework, I don't know where to start?
My heart's as big as gold, my feelings get hurt too,
I get sad, cry and have bad days just like you.
My brain works differently than other girls and boys,
but one thing always holds true, I can give your life so much joy.
I get frustrated so easily and my hand won't work that way,
I don't understand why those other kids won't let me come over and play.
Please don't think of me any differently or love of me any less,
I'm just like other kids and trying to do my best.
I am very special in my own unique way, and every moment with me
you'll never have a dull day.



Dear Jesus,
Please give me the courage and strength I need to provide my son the best possible support he needs to grow into the person you want him to be. Help me to always give him the unconditional love he deserves.