God Spoke to Me

I wasn't going to go to church today. I was very out of it this morning, had a very difficult time waking up. 100 mg of Trazodone is too much for me. At the last minute I felt a pull that I had to leave and go to church. It was very difficult to go, I knew it would be. I knew I needed to leave him home because of him pushing me on the 4th of July. He cried and begged me not to go, or to take him. I felt really guilty and sad leaving him home, while I took his brother with me, it just didn't' same very fair. But I knew I just had to go. As I sat in the pew feeling all alone, because the last month or so I have been taking Patrick with me. I just felt so alone and sad. Church started and the band sang two of my favorite christian songs, which really brought me up. Then it was time to greet each other, and I had so many people walk over to me and shake my hand and welcome me, and tell me good morning, I didn't feel so alone anymore. The pastor started with his sermon, and said he prayed to God asking what to preach about today, and he said God spoke to him and told him that some of his congregation needs to hear psalm 46 1-3. It was amazing it was me. I needed to hear psalm 46. GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND STRENGTH. A VERY PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE. Pastor Wes was talking about how all people find there self at some point in there life not being able to cope with there troubles. and they turn to some person and try to cling onto that person, because they believe that is the only person that can help them with their problems. And when that person fails to provide us the information that solves all of our problems, we get angry and frustrated with that person. I have that person in my life. I have someone in my life that I think can solve ALL my problems, and I have clinged to this person with all my life. I am becoming a burden to this person, and when he doesn't provide me with the information that I thought he had in him, I get very mad at him, and I swear at him, and get very frustrated. Then i get mad at myself that I keep bugging this person, and mad at myself for lashing out, and begging for help. The pastor said GOD is the only one that can provide us with the help for our troubles, and help us find the strength within ourselves. I went to the altar after church and told God thank you for speaking to me today, and told him I hear him, and prayed for help in letting the person I'm clinged to go. I need to let him go. I also prayed that God could provide Patricks psychiatrist with the answers regarding Pat's meds.