Last night I spent some time researching Anger. One way to redirect anger is humor. This is actually a skill I am good at. Even my Therapist tells me how great it is that I can laugh at issues in my life. Well one humor technique that was mentioned I have never tried. It's a process that would actually use two anger redirection skills, visualization and humor. The idea is to visualize the person you are angry at - as what you think the person is being... for example if you think the person is a dirt bag, think of this person as having an actual dirt bag for his body. So I have been angry at someone, really it's just hurt that I turned into anger. But from now on this person is either going to be shrek or donkey. Not sure if this person is an orge or a smart ass (lol). I think it may work, I will find out soon enough. I know my feelings are pretty stupid, but they are my feelings, and I can't seem to just Let it go.
Another thing I read yesterday about Anger that I found interesting was that anger is used as intimidation and manipulation. Patrick does use his anger this way a lot. I fall for it a lot. I fall for it because I fear his anger, I hate seeing him upset, and in public I get embarrassed by his anger, and will attempt to do anything to get it to stop, and that is giving him what he wants, and teaching him to be aggressive to get his way. I'm not sure how I can fix this. I need help with this. How can I get past the fear, the embarrassment, and the guilt I feel for him being angry? I actually saw it happen in reverse yesterday. I was reading his book to him, and when he walked out of the room doug said I hate the name Grover, replace the name with another name. I wasn't really in the mood for reading last night in the first place. So when I started reading the book to Patrick I replaced Jerry with Grover. It made Patrick upset, He said don't do that, I don't want him to be Jerry. I said okay, and I continued to read again, and said Jerry. Patrick got all mad and stormed off out of the room. After a minute or two I called him back in, and I asked him if he realized what happened.. he said No. I said I used your anger to manipulate you. I made you angry enough that you didn't even want me to read to you, and you ran off, I won, I didn't have to read to you. He smiled - he got it. I wouldn't have done that if he was in a bad mood. But it was an awesome point I made. I told him to sit down and I read to him correctly.
Now back to the reason I started this blog -
Today I would email....
Dear Donkey,
I've learned a lot about anger yesterday. I think the most important thing I learned was that anger is a normal emotion, but it's how we react to the anger that has to be learned. Some children are just born with a very low tolerance for frustration, and I believe Pat was. But children also learn to react to anger from their parents. Doug and I really need to learn to control our own anger, in order for us to help Patrick control his. Doug and I need to practice along with Patrick redirection techniques. I can't believe you actually knew the real reason I was mad. That even hurt me more, because you know why I was mad, but still you won't give me what I want. You won't tell me your reasons behind it either, and that really makes me mad. I feel like you're being a stubborn ass. So I'm mad, hurt, and also in fear of the day that you go away for good. I wish you would at least tell me if you dislike me as a person, but I do know it's none of my business how you feel about me. I wish you could at least tell me you accept my appology. What the heck do I do about not being alone with Patrick? I want to take him to church with me, and to the beach with me. There has to be something we can do about this, and I don't have a clue, not one. I really really need your help with this.
Love and Hugs,
Me
"I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was"
"If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it."
"I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile."
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."
Don't Cry Over Someone That Won't Cry Over You"
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